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Another month, another meltdown.

Ok, I _know_ I can be paranoid and tightly wound-up, but I haven't heard from D since I hugged him goodbye on Sunday night.

Not a peep.
Shades of the November 4th fiasco, I know, I know,....

Wait.

You still don't know all the things that have happened since November 18th.

RIght.

To sum up-
I apologized for screaming. We made up.

I went to Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time in MusWorld.

I came back and went back up to his apartment for another weekend.
We were supposed to go to the RenFaire again (to make up for the sloshing we received during my previous weekend up there) but never secured a ride to/from.

Instead, we had had a great Chinese buffet followed by a GREAT conversation (his theories that make enormous amounts of sense, even to me, on the nature of reality and the threads that connect soul/body/mind together) on Friday night that lasted until 6 AM or so. And I wasn't even tired while we were talking.

Saturday we listened to music and watched South Park (Frosty vs Jesus) and then went to see "The Laramie Project".

If you haven't seen "The Laramie Project" yet, GO and see it. However you can go and see a production of it, I'd advise you to take it in because it was tremendous. Hurtful and sad and funny and, oh, just the range of human experience within a real-life tragedy.

We were planning to go to the next Harry Potter movie afterwards but it was too late by the time the play let out, so we walked back- me shivering from the cold- to the apartment.
Ordered delivery food and watched the BeBop movie... at which point I fell asleep near the end.
Hey. It was two in the morning.
I made some vague protestations about not being tired and wanting to stay up until we could watch the Buffy Musical but he walked me to bed and I was out like a light.
I remember the alarm waking me up around 4:30 or so... but I was too tired... so I didn't wake him up and went right back to sleep myself.

We eventually did watch the Buffy Musical ("Once More, With Feeling") and I think he liked it. He didn't say he hated and I guess I'll have to take it at face value.
I did sing a lot of the songs, though. That can be annoying. +sigh+

No RenFaire but we had a good morning of Musical and other music.

Then came what makes me happy- I was talking to him about something- I can't remember what, but the phrase that I'd been keeping my teeth so tightly clenched around so as not to say it came tumbling out of my mouth.
"What _are_ we?"

Of all the things I have ever read about or have been told over and over again, that is one of the Seven Deadly Phrases.

One of the things that you neverneverneverever speak out loud in the presence of a person you are attracted to, ever.
One of the phrases guaranteed to make you sound shrewish or needy or (worst of all) wanting to "DEFINE" (noises of doom) the situation so as to pin it down and dissect.

Oh, hell. Oh, spite.
And I said it.

But he took me by the hand and walked me to the back room and we had a chat.
He aired his thoughts and I aired mine and they seemed to be heading towards the same area:
We still need to spend time together and get to know each other better--- but I don't want to be with anybody but him- and he doesn't want to be with anybody but me.

(/warm fuzzy feeling)

So we're "dating."

+GRIN+

But that brings me back to where I came in.

After we attended a family gathering (his fam) we went to see the Harry Potter sequel (YAY! It was very good.) and then he drove me home...

And that's the last I have heard from him since.

He hasn't responded to any of my emails (three, I think) and he hasn't logged on to play with his online pets...
I've been getting increasingly worried as the week jumps along.

So I'm in the break room today, munching on leftover party food (/groan, ate too much) and a wave of shivery fear crawls around in my abdomen. (I don't think it was food, as food has never tended to replicate quite the same cold feeling of "RUN" that fear does.)
I stand in front of the phone- the fear crests again- and make a sudded grab for my cheap-o phone card and start punching in numbers.

But when I dial the last digit, the pre-recorded voice says "You do not have enough credits on this card to place that call."

Maybe the universe- much in the same way that he does- is just telling me to relax and breathe and that everything will be okay.

I hope.

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